Prologue: Empathy
comes to you naturally. I hear many of my friends say this to me. Stories I
hear. At times from my friends, at times from the people I meet. All the little
pieces of anecdotes I collected, all along, I have woven into small stories of
fiction. Some where these stories may touch your heart, may make you smile, may
make you think or may make you change. I'll be looking forward to hearing your
feedback and your feelings about my stories and all the tiny comments coming
from my readers mean a lot lot lot to me.
PS: All stories are
pulpy works of fiction. All pictures are taken from Google Images for
representative purposes only.
This story, is dedicated to
the depressed and Angry.
I was waiting for the lift
on the 15th floor to go down. My mind was restless with thoughts playing a
havoc. I knew I was irritated, frustrated, emotional, deep in pain. I
missed.
"The lift is taking too
much time to come down. Oh it halted at the 18th. I wish no one gets in. The
last thing I want to have now is a conversation. I can't force a smile. Not can
I exchange any pleasantries at this moment. " thots were racing in the mind.
It halted at my floor and
yes there was Mrs Khanna as beautiful as always. Light and subtle make up,
fresh fragrance of the delicate perfume and a sober outfit. She always had a
classic dress sense.... another flood of thoughts in my mind. "Hello Mrs
Preet. How do you do? It's been long since we met though we reside in the same
building" said she. "Yeah. Have been busy. How do you do?" I
managed to fake it with a smile too. "I'm fine. Very fine. Just waiting to
be charred to pieces" I said to myself.
I got into the car and
checked into my messages the 57th time in an hour. No message from him.
"Yes, he is very busy. Where in the world does he have time to even think
of me?" I said to myself.
I drove off to bank and felt
accomplished reaching there. "Phew! Madam, you were supposed to come
almost 6 months ago. We were waiting for you. Now even the account would have
become dorment" said the manager. " I managed a smile
again and said yes " I have been busy. ". "Sorry".
"Can you help me?" Yes he did explain to me the steps to recover my
account. But not one word went into my head. I was busy. Busy thinking.
"I was lost. " I
told myself. "I was lost in my own thoughts. Days ran into weeks and weeks
into months. I procrastinated works. I no longer wished to take up any works. I
felt lethargic at all times. I felt hopeless. I felt weak. I felt worthless. I
wish I died."
Not a friend, not an enemy,
not a soul mate to depend upon. Family was there. Friends were there. The
community was there. And so were people. Too many of them. But not a single one
I can say mine.
Whatsapp
message popped on the lock screen - Prakash "what up?". I had a smile
on face. I eagerly opened the message feeling glad someone just asked about me.
I opened the message and checked- he was not online. "Nothing. How about
you? Long time?" I typed. Checked for the double tick and waited a minute
to be read. No Prakash did not come online. May be he was busy I thought.
I messaged Asha - hey Asha
how are you? She came online, read the message and may be she was busy and went
offline again.
I decided to close whatsapp
and drive to a cafe nearby. While having coffee, the mind raced back to the
conversation I had with Neeraj. "Do you even know how lonely I feel
Neeraj?" "You are too busy at work. Children are settled in their
lives. I have no one to talk to whole day. Do something for me please. I'm
going mad. I'm getting depressed. " I said and looked at him. He was busy
replying to a mail on his laptop. "Honey, can you get me some coffee
please" he said. "This marketing head of mine. He is so damn crazy.
He and his innovative thoughts. Crazy ideas and crazy stuff." Said he. I
managed to make some coffee fir him and sat down. 
"Neeraj, I wanna talk to
you", I said. "Yes honey. Please make it fast. I've got an appointment
at 11." "Neeraj. Do you ever have time for me? I'll die if
I continue this way". "Oh there you go again. Will you please stop
talking about the death and stuff. Please. I've got to go." Said, Neeraj
and there, the door banged and he left.
"What's
the matter mom? Why did he leave in such a rash? Asked Anju. "The usual. I
tried talking to him about how I'm feeling now a days. ". "Lol. Mom
get a life. Do something. Take a chill pill. Go out and meet aunties. Or go and
get your self a spa. I'm sure you'l feel better. Okay, gotta go now. I may not
be coming back tonight. I stay back with Pratima for the weekend. Have some
project deadlines to complete" said Anju and left.
Tears filled my eyes while I
stirred the coffee. I felt angry for the tears. "So what if it's been just
6 years now that I was feeling so lonely. Why in world I need someone to talk
to. Look at that couple on that table. How happy and in love they seem. So what
if I'm alone in the world. Why should I cry. I hate myself. I hate me. I wish I
could die." I told myself. Yet again.
I paid the bill and waked
out the caffe. I started walking towards the car feeling miserable. Gosh I have
600 plus friends on Facebook, 2500+ contacts on my phone but not one person to
talk to. This is so miserable. I threw the phone on the road out of
frustration.
I cried. I cried a lot. I
wanted to tear me apart.
I ran onto the road. Towards
the speeding car. I ran with all my might. I ran into it. Yes I did.
To be continued. .....
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