Friday, April 7, 2017

Hello Urban Life - Alone

Prologue:  Empathy comes to you naturally. I hear many of my friends say this to me. Stories I hear. At times from my friends, at times from the people I meet. All the little pieces of anecdotes I collected, all along, I have woven into small stories of fiction. Some where these stories may touch your heart, may make you smile, may make you think or may make you change. I'll be looking forward to hearing your feedback and your feelings about my stories and all the tiny comments coming from my readers mean a lot lot lot to me.

PS:  All stories are pulpy works of fiction. All pictures are taken from Google Images for representative purposes only.

This story, is dedicated to the depressed and Angry.

I was waiting for the lift on the 15th floor to go down. My mind was restless with thoughts playing a havoc. I knew I was irritated, frustrated, emotional, deep in pain. I missed. 

"The lift is taking too much time to come down. Oh it halted at the 18th. I wish no one gets in. The last thing I want to have now is a conversation. I can't force a smile. Not can I exchange any pleasantries at this moment. " thots were racing in the mind. 

It halted at my floor and yes there was Mrs Khanna as beautiful as always. Light and subtle make up, fresh fragrance of the delicate perfume and a sober outfit. She always had a classic dress sense.... another flood of thoughts in my mind. "Hello Mrs Preet. How do you do? It's been long since we met though we reside in the same building" said she. "Yeah. Have been busy. How do you do?" I managed to fake it with a smile too. "I'm fine. Very fine. Just waiting to be charred to pieces" I said to myself. 

I got into the car and checked into my messages the 57th time in an hour. No message from him. "Yes, he is very busy. Where in the world does he have time to even think of me?" I said to myself. 
I drove off to bank and felt accomplished reaching there. "Phew! Madam, you were supposed to come almost 6 months ago. We were waiting for you. Now even the account would have become dorment" said the manager. "  I managed a smile again and said yes " I have been busy. ". "Sorry". "Can you help me?" Yes he did explain to me the steps to recover my account. But not one word went into my head. I was busy. Busy thinking. 
"I was lost. " I told myself. "I was lost in my own thoughts. Days ran into weeks and weeks into months. I procrastinated works. I no longer wished to take up any works. I felt lethargic at all times. I felt hopeless. I felt weak. I felt worthless. I wish I died."

Not a friend, not an enemy, not a soul mate to depend upon. Family was there. Friends were there. The community was there. And so were people. Too many of them. But not a single one I can say mine. 

Whatsapp message popped on the lock screen - Prakash "what up?". I had a smile on face. I eagerly opened the message feeling glad someone just asked about me. I opened the message and checked- he was not online. "Nothing. How about you? Long time?" I typed. Checked for the double tick and waited a minute to be read. No Prakash did not come online. May be he was busy I thought. 

I messaged Asha - hey Asha how are you? She came online, read the message and may be she was busy and went offline again. 

I decided to close whatsapp and drive to a cafe nearby. While having coffee, the mind raced back to the conversation I had with Neeraj. "Do you even know how lonely I feel Neeraj?" "You are too busy at work. Children are settled in their lives. I have no one to talk to whole day. Do something for me please. I'm going mad. I'm getting depressed. " I said and looked at him. He was busy replying to a mail on his laptop. "Honey, can you get me some coffee please" he said. "This marketing head of mine. He is so damn crazy. He and his innovative thoughts. Crazy ideas and crazy stuff." Said he. I managed to make some coffee fir him and sat down. 

"Neeraj, I wanna talk to you", I said. "Yes honey. Please make it fast. I've got an appointment at 11."  "Neeraj. Do you ever have time for me? I'll die if I continue this way". "Oh there you go again. Will you please stop talking about the death and stuff. Please. I've got to go." Said, Neeraj and there, the door banged and he left. 

"What's the matter mom? Why did he leave in such a rash? Asked Anju. "The usual. I tried talking to him about how I'm feeling now a days. ". "Lol. Mom get a life. Do something. Take a chill pill. Go out and meet aunties. Or go and get your self a spa. I'm sure you'l feel better. Okay, gotta go now. I may not be coming back tonight. I stay back with Pratima for the weekend. Have some project deadlines to complete" said Anju and left. 

Tears filled my eyes while I stirred the coffee. I felt angry for the tears. "So what if it's been just 6 years now that I was feeling so lonely. Why in world I need someone to talk to. Look at that couple on that table. How happy and in love they seem. So what if I'm alone in the world. Why should I cry. I hate myself. I hate me. I wish I could die." I told myself. Yet again. 
I paid the bill and waked out the caffe. I started walking towards the car feeling miserable. Gosh I have 600 plus friends on Facebook, 2500+ contacts on my phone but not one person to talk to. This is so miserable. I threw the phone on the road out of frustration. 
I cried. I cried a lot. I wanted to tear me apart. 
I ran onto the road. Towards the speeding car. I ran with all my might. I ran into it. Yes I did. 

To be continued. .....